


i'm sick of losing soulmates

by unus_annus_eilish



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Minecraft but IRL, Ranboo believes in soulmates, Ranboo eventually comforts tubbo, Tommy and Tubbo were too, the compasses make an appearance, tubbo and ranboo are platonic soulmates, tubbo cries almost the whole time, tubbo is fucked up about Tommy's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29801685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unus_annus_eilish/pseuds/unus_annus_eilish
Summary: Tommy's death didn't truly set in for Tubbo until Sam returned the items he had brought to the prison with him. Nothing is the same without him.
Relationships: Ranboo & Toby Smtih | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 4
Kudos: 175





	i'm sick of losing soulmates

**Author's Note:**

> yeah I'm not at all over Tommy's death so I wrote an angsty fic about it. this is how to deal with emotions, right?

"I can't let you in, you know that," Sam speaks softly to the boy, "but I can give you what he had." Sam reaches into his bag, gently setting Tommy's belongings on the floor. there's nothing out of the ordinary, just his weapons and some armor. 

One thing stands out though, a small gleaming purple object. it doesn't mean anything to anyone else, but Tubbo recognizes it instantly. He falls to the ground and sobs, shoulders shaking as he yells.

He grabs the compass, holding it close to his chest. When he finally gets the courage to look at it, the needle is pointed directly at him, where it belongs. He turns it over, reading the back. 'Your tubbo' it reads. He's seen it before of course, hundreds of times, but it's different now.

His own compass is in his house, unguarded and unworn, collecting dust in some chest he can't remember. it used to mean more to him. _Tommy_ used to mean more to him.

it's his own fault, granted. if he hadn't been so busy playing little jokes and fucking around with the hotel, he probably could have helped.

Tubbo collects the things, stuffing them into his own bag. it's full and heavy, but as the tears drain out of him, nothing feels heavy compared to his heart. He rushes back to his house in Snowchester, but it doesn't feel like home.

He ruffles through the chests about his base, screaming as he slams each lid, unable to find what he's looking for. Ranboo has shown up for the first time since the day it happened. He seems to know something Tubbo doesn't, but keeps quiet as he sits at the table, watching.

Tubbo goes through every chest before sinking back down to the ground, sobbing as his head repeatedly hits the floor. Ranboo looks away and debates getting up.

Tubbo decides to check Tommy's old house. He hasn't been in the building since the day he almost died. since the day Tommy gave up everything to save his measly life.

He looks through the chests in the main room, finding nothing. He digs through the back room to the same result. He almost gives up when he remembers the secret chest Tommy had told him about. 

"It's where all my most important things go," Tommy had said, "not in my ender chest, because they don't have value to others. they're my favorite things in the world, tubbo."

Tubbo lets a single tear drip down his cheek and his eyes are suddenly blurry. He's gotten used to the feeling lately and knows how to walk, even with his warped vision. He digs down to where he knows the chest is located.

When he finds it, there's a small sign over the top. "for the special things," it reads. Tubbo pops the lid. there are only a few objects inside, and Tubbo recognizes almost all of them immediately.

The first is a small tag, engraved with the word “tubbirthday”. Tubbo smiles sadly at the memory.

The second is a small emerald. He can’t quite remember the meaning, which he kicks himself for, but knows it was obviously important.

There’s a small pile of blue, which Tubbo nearly sobs at, the memories of two passed friends now flooding back. He misses Wilbur, too.

And then the final object, another small purple compass. Tubbo knows this one just as well. He digs it out of the bottom of the chest, holding it up to the small bit of light that shines onto it. The engraving shows softly, but Tubbo would recognize it in the pitch black. “Your Tommy,” it says.

He climbs out of the hole, glad he found what he was looking for but disappointed that it wasn’t even in his possession. There was a time where he treated it like his only reminder of his best friend.

Now it is.

When he reaches the daylight again, he can see the small arrow. It spins around hopelessly. It, too, feels directionless without the bubbly boy around.

He wanders out the door, gasping for air as his sobs turn to quiet pleas. He looks at the flowers around the path, recalling how Ranboo had told him they’d been planted. “Thought it’d be nice, you know? That old house never needed the color when Tommy was around,” Ranboo had gotten choked up there, “but a flower boy is never complete without his flowers.”

Tubbo sets this compass in the pocket with the other. Together, he thinks, where they belong.

He walks just steps down the prime path before he physically can’t anymore. The force of the bench seems to pull him backward. The disks, of course, were locked away in Tommy’s ender chest for the rest of eternity, but there were a few that Tubbo still had.

The tree that provided them shade through the summer hangs low now, some branches scraping the back of the seat. The jukebox looks dirty, covered in who knows what. It’s pitiful, really.

When Tommy wasn’t being the emotional backbone of the entire server, he always seemed so carefree. But now that he’s gone, Tubbo has started to realize just how much the kid actually did for the upkeep. 

The world looks dirty, Tubbo thinks. The blood vines cover almost the entirety of the land. Snowchester isn’t clean anymore, and Tubbo knows he should do something about it, but can’t find the energy.

He shoves a disk in the slot and sits down, waiting for it to play. He’s spent so much longer in denial than anyone thought he could. Ranboo observed him for days as the news sunk in, but he didn’t feel the pressure until he hit the bottom of the ocean.

It was scary, really. Watching everyone around him deal with and eventually more or less move on from his death, all while having his brain still saying it hadn’t happened. Ranboo was the only one who could even relate slightly, and even then Tubbo felt that there was something that he wasn’t saying.

Losing Tommy wasn’t like losing anyone else. With Wilbur, Tubbo felt it immediately, but it didn’t hurt in the same way. When other people died, everyone just shook it off and moved on with their lives.

Tommy’s death didn’t just shake the ground, it crumpled buildings.

There are parts of him that still don’t believe it. Dream, being the gross and unforgivable person that he is, threw Tommy’s body into the lava when he was finished with him, according to Sam. Everyone tried to hide it from him, but Tubbo found out.

Knowing that he’d never be able to properly mourn Tommy’s body or give him a proper burial isn’t what irked him. It was the idea of him never coming home.

In all of Tommy’s heroic adventures, Tubbo was always by his side. They went out together, cheated death, and came back to celebrate.

But this is not that.

Tommy went into the prison alone, got locked in, and died alone. He didn’t get a heroic death like he deserved. A heroic death that Tubbo had nearly gotten so many times before. Instead he went out quietly, beat up like a kid, and ended up getting burnt to a crisp.

And he was never coming home.

The server didn’t feel like home to Tubbo anymore. First it was Snowchester that felt off, then Ranboo, but now, the entire server feels empty. It’s always raining, nobody greets each other as they walk down the prime path. Instead, everyone keeps their heads down and stays quiet.

Especially around Tubbo.

There are many people on the server who feel the pain of his absence, but none like him. Nobody, not Dream, not Wilbur, ever got to know the depths of Tommy like Tubbo did. 

There was a small shrine for him outside the Church Prime. A few pictures of him, some flowers, letters of appreciation for the joy and hope he had brought to the server in his short life. He had a tombstone in Snowchester, courtesy of Puffy, but Tubbo hadn’t felt the closure he needed to. Everything still felt open.

With Dream in prison, still alive, and the promise of a revival book on the line, nothing seemed to close. Tubbo wondered some nights if he’d rather Tommy just be absolutely dead, without the possibility of coming back. He doesn’t like those thoughts.

As he travels back to Snowchester, he thinks of Ranboo. The boys had been friends since the beginning of Ranboo’s time on the server. But being so close to Tubbo, Ranboo had clearly shoved his own feelings aside to be there for him. It didn’t seem fair.

When Tubbo opens the door to his base, Ranboo is still sitting at the table, right where he left him. The only difference is the state that he’s in. From his angle at the front door, Tubbo can see the light from the windows glowing up the back of his split-dyed hair. His head is laying on his crossed arms, passed out at the table. When Tubbo walks over to him, he stirs.

His eyes open for just a moment, and Tubbo sees, for a moment, the sparkle in his red-green irises that has been missing for so long. But they close for a moment, and when they open again, it’s gone. Even on the dark side of Ranboo’s face, the bags are clear. Tubbo suddenly feels even more than he did before.

He takes the final steps towards the table and sits down next to his husband. Ranboo blinks rapidly and sits up. “I’m so sorry,” Tubbo whispers, tears starting to fall again. He’s had a headache since the night he found out, unable to stop crying.

Ranboo looks confused, “What for?” he asks gently.

Through sobs, Tubbo manages to get out a sentence. “You’ve been so amazing to me since Tommy’s death, and I haven’t even stopped to thank you.” He breathes in deeply, “You were his friend too, and I should have been better to you through all of this.”

“Tubbo,” he coos.

“I went to his house,” Tubbo states, “I saw the flowers you planted. They look nice. Thank you for doing that.”

“Of course,” Ranboo nods, “Why’d you go back?”

Tubbo sighs. He pulls the compasses out of his pocket. Ranboo stays quiet; he doesn’t remember these. “Went to go see if Tommy still had my compass,” he pauses, “that’s what I was looking for earlier.”

Ranboo looks confused and Tubbo takes note. He recognizes the expression quickly. “When Tommy was in exile Ghostbur gave us these compasses,” he rubs one of the compasses in his palms as he speaks, nudging the other closer to Ranboo. He picks it up.

“Mine says ‘Your Tommy’ on it,”

“And his said ‘Your Tubbo’,” Ranboo finishes, reading the back of the compass he holds.

“Says,” Tubbo corrects. Ranboo nods. Tubbo doesn’t like talking about Tommy in the past tense, however correct it is to do so. “Sam gave me all the things Tommy left in the locker at the prison. His compass was on him,” Tubbo chokes up, “I couldn’t even recall where mine was.”

Ranboo knows the feeling of forgetting something important. Of course he does. If it weren’t for the memory books, he would have forgotten just about everything that ever happened to him. It’s unlike Tubbo to not remember something so important to him though.

“I remembered this chest he told me about, of all his special things that didn’t need to go in his ender chest because they don’t mean much to anybody else. My compass was in there.”

Ranboo tilts his head, questioning. “Why did Tommy have your compass in his chest?”

“I gave it to him a while back,” Tubbo explains, “something about knowing it’d be safer with him and not needing anymore because I knew he’d-” Tubbo cuts off completely.

“Knew he’d what?” Ranboo asks quietly.

“Because I knew he’d always be right by my side.”

As Tubbo finishes his thought, he breaks down entirely. For the first time since the night it happened, Ranboo allows himself to cry too. 

When Ranboo has collected himself enough, he decides to try and help. “Mind if I get a bit poetic on you?”

“Go ahead,” Tubbo sniffles, “you know I love when you do.”

Ranboo smiles and nods. “I’ve always believed in soulmates, but not just one. Having just one defeats the purpose of friendship. What is life if you know you’ll only truly connect with one person in your entire life?

“Even from an outside perspective, it’s clear that you and Tommy are soulmates. Even if you feel like you failed him in the end, you never did, and you never will. The whole point is that when one life doesn’t treat you fairly you know you’ll always find them again in another.

“The way you and Tommy interacted was magical. You were always each other’s right hand man, and without you, he wouldn’t have even made it this far. I know you feel like you let him down, but now he’s just waiting for you, just like you are for him. You haven’t lost him forever, even if it feels like it.”

Tubbo smiles through his tears, “how do you know?”

“Because I’ve seen it.”

Tubbo looks quizzically.

“Tubbo I can’t remember what day it is, but I know that I’ve known you much longer than I’ve been here.

“The little things don’t matter when it comes down to it. You may not have been there for Tommy’s last life in this timeline, but you were there for the first two and have been there for so many more than that.

“Just because it hurts now doesn’t mean it always will, Tubbo. And just because it won’t always hurt doesn’t mean you’re doing him wrong. Death is a part of life, and without it, everything in between is meaningless.

“Even though it seems like the time you spent together was short, it wasn’t. And even the small things weren’t nothing. Even when they mean so little in the grand scheme of things, one day, they will mean everything.”

“I just miss him, Boo.”

“As you should.”

“I wish I did more to honor him, ya know?”

“You still can.”

“Will you help me?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“I’m gonna make him so fucken proud.”

Ranboo smiles, “You always do.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope you cried as much as I did. I kind of hate the ending but I was sad and didn't even go back to read anything. sorry if it sucks. please leave comments, theories, etc.
> 
> Twitter: @elle_says_words  
> Instagram: @unus.annus.eilish  
> Tumblr: @the-inevitability-of-death
> 
> link to the twitch vod in case you feel the need to watch Tommy die again: https://m.twitch.tv/videos/933258454


End file.
